Not many people are born with the natural ability to love themselves. As humans, we are designed to give out love to everybody else, but often forget to look out for ourselves – especially with the world that we are living in now, where selflessness is considered an achievable virtue and one that we should all aspire towards. Things like selfies are considered self-centered rather than celebrating our beauty, we look for compliments from others rather than giving them to ourselves, and no matter how good we are at something, you’re not allowed to celebrate that, for fear of someone thinking you’re vain.
But you know what? It’s okay to do all of the above. It’s social media that we’re paying too much attention to. Forget about it. You only have one life, and if you’re not loving yourself by the end of it then what has the point been all along? Have we really been put on this earth to serve the needs of others? I think Nattttttt!!! lol
Love the Life You Live, Live the Life You Love
Start off by adopting a lifestyle you actually enjoy. Ditch anything that you don’t like doing and that drags you down – this doesn’t mean that you need to give up cleaning your bathroom or doing the dishes,lolol, but anything that brings you down in morality, like spending time with people who don’t appreciate your worth. Unfortunately, that is one of the worst things you can do in taking steps to learn about appreciating yourself – you need to be surrounded by people who respect you and don’t constantly pick at how you are living your life and going about your day-to-day business. These people will bring you down and you don’t need that.
If You Did Half As Much For Them As You Did For Yourself…
Think about how you treat other people – the compliments you give, the favors you do, the love you share with them. Why is it so hard to put this onto ourselves? Turn the table once in a while and treat yourself. The next time you are out shopping and think about buying something that would make a friend smile, consider what you would need to buy yourself to bring the smile out of your face instead of theirs. For me I enjoy shopping for my husband and my baby boy, but I always make sure I squeeze a lil something in for me. It’s not mean or selfish; if they weren’t expecting the present in the first place. Try buying yourself flowers, treat yourself to a good meal and give yourself the time that you would otherwise be spending on or with other people. It’s not to say that you can’t or won’t do anything for anybody else ever again, it’s just that sometimes you need to take a step back from the situation to realize what needs to be done to protect yourself. You come first my queens remember that.
Boundaries – Stick To ‘Em!
Set yourself boundaries and keep to them as best as you can. For example, if you know that you are left feeling absolutely awful after a night out, just don’t go out at all. Minimize on the things that you know will make you feel bad in the long run. If it’s a friend constantly bugging you to go out and you want time alone, just tell them – it’s time wasted out of your life otherwise. The hardest thing you can do is get other people to stick to your boundaries, but as long as you are doing so yourself then you are solving half of the problem. Trust me!
Quit the Comparison
I know this can be difficult as we are faced with beautiful, intelligent and creative people every single day, but stop comparing yourself to them. Get it into your head right now – you will never, ever be another person. You won’t possess the same qualities as another person, the same interests, the same looks, the same food tastes – you just can’t do it. Everybody is different and we just need to accept it. Embrace what you already have and work with it; this can be something as simple as doing your hair a different style or diving deeper and finding a cosmetic dentist to sort out any issues that you may be having with your teeth, for example. If you know that you can’t live with something being a particular way than change it; if it’s just keeping up with trends and fashions then accept that these things change as quickly as they were initially implemented. Also keep in mind that social media is pretty much fake. Everything is calculated and photoshopped. I’m pretty sure once that girl or guy you are obsessing over wipes their makeup off or stop going to the gym and using Photoshop they will look normal.I promise, so don’t compare.Especially because you don’t know that person’s journey so it’s really not fair to do so to them or yourself.
Learn to Say No
We’re so afraid of offending anybody by declining or refusing that we are taking on a lot more than what is good for us. If you are not comfortable with something – anything – say no. If the person doesn’t stop or doesn’t agree with your decision, don’t consider them a friend. Obviously it is dependent upon the situation that you are being put in, but if they know that you are not ok with a situation and have no reason for taking offense at your decision apart from to spare their own feelings, they are not people who are worth having around you. It’s hard to know what you want out of life at the best of times, so for people to force or try to push you towards something you don’t want to do is a terrible way to behave.
Let It Go
One of the best ways to learn to love yourself is to let go of past happenings. Whether these have been things that have caused upset or anger, they are not things that you need to hold on to. Let comments and disparaging remarks about you wash over you like water off a duck’s back. hahahah. No but seriously; don’t hold on to anything that makes you feel like any less of the amazing person you are. When you sit and dwell on things that you cannot change, you are bringing up negative feelings which can impact on how you feel about yourself. Don’t let it happen. The past is the past; let it go. I know it’s hard but I try to work on it every single day.
Accept and Embrace Change
Change happens a lot during our lives. It could be something social, such as a group of friends drifting apart or getting a new job, or something personal to us such as weight gain or loss. Embrace everything that is happening as life’s path. There are things that can be done to prevent change, sure – maybe you could send a few texts to get your friends back together or go on a diet to lose weight, but you should be doing this to please yourself rather than other people. Especially with the latter; weight is such an arbitrary subject and you can look great no matter how heavy or thin you are. It’s all about confidence and how you are learning to love yourself and being able to portray this to other people. Surround yourself with people who are similar and are able to empower your new way of thinking. As long as you aren’t hurting anybody, it’s absolutely fine. Acceptance is hard, but it’s a step towards love.
The more you put your actions and the consequences of them onto other people, the less responsibility you are taking for yourself. Own what you are doing; don’t look for excuses or ways out by bringing other people into the situation. If you know that you are not essentially stirring up other people’s business then you have less chance of thinking about what others perceive of you. One you can fully ditch the notion of caring what others are thinking about you, the more you can start thinking about other things. Selfish? Nope. Just caring about and looking out for yourself.
Stop the Self Deprecation
You may think that you are being funny by being self-deprecating about yourself and picking out features that you don’t like to showcase off in a humorous manner, but what you are doing is highlighting things that people can’t and won’t ever see about you or giving them a pass to thinking it’s okay for them to do the same about you. People don’t care about your defects or weaknesses as much as you think (and if they do, they’re not worth bothering with in the first place). Try being kind to yourself and instead of opening up with the negatives, focus on the positive traits that you possess. Or just try keeping quiet and see how other people introduce you. Listen to what strangers say when they first meet you, about how you’ve been described – nobody describes their true friends in a bad light. Write down everything that you like about yourself. Don’t just think about physical features; take into account personality traits that you like, such as determination or ability to make people laugh. I love to make people laugh to know me is to love me, lol literally. 🙂
And remember – there is someone out there who wants to be just like you. Whether they are coveting your ability to talk to people at any level, how easily you can make friends, the color of your hair or your natural beauty, there will always be something in you that another person is desiring. You are amazing so start treating yourself like you are!
Thanks for reading my loves!