Hey, My loves

I have a serious question for all of you. And that question is are we really happy like genuinely happy? Would we know if we are truly happy or just happy at the moment? Or are we walking around pretending to be happy just for the sake of it? You know the saying check on your strong friends, I’m sure you’ve heard that one before; and that’s because the friend that you think is the strongest, always laughing, the life of the party is the friend that usually needs someone to check on them. I pretend to be strong but really I’m super fragile and sensitive and there’s usually a lot going on in that head of mine; but In this world though, I feel like if you are sensitive and fragile then the world takes advantage of you. So those who are soft on the inside have to wear a suit of armor all the F###### time and it’s exhausting.

So what do you do-you pretend to be happy but you really just want to scream your head off and hope that someone would hear and run to you and comfort you and make it all go away, but guess what that person never comes because your happiness and well being pretty much depends on you. And that’s just not fair because how, how do we do it? How do we pretend like adulting is not hard, how do we pretend to love ourselves if we weren’t taught how to love ourselves by the ones closest to us, our parents? My mother never told me I was beautiful or special or that I can do anything so how the F### am I supposed to get up and just turn on a switch and be happy and confident every day? How do we pretend to love ourselves and be happy in our bodies when society/media tells us that we are flawed and need fixing? I feel like when we were a kid we got bullied by other kids about how we looked, dressed, smelled, all the things that you really can’t control as a kid – I meannn it’s not up to you how you are presented to the world as a kid, yet you are teased. Some kids are strong enough to take it while others question themselves and cry at the things they can’t change, and that’s where the idea of being flawed starts and being unhappy. But no one really asks a kid how they feel so that kid bottles it all in and grows up to be an unhappy adult that pretends to be okay. But guess what, as adults, we are bullied too and that goes back to social media reminding us that we are flawed. You really can’t catch a break, one minute you’re like oh I want that body, oh no I want her face, no her hair, no her skin, no her house, and it really never stops, and what happens you start feeling unhappy. But you won’t admit it to yourself because then you’ll feel bad, so what do you do, you pretend, which is why it’s so super unhealthy to stay on social media for hours because in reality you’re bullying yourself and we don’t want that.

Unhappiness can also show up in your friendships, maybe you are the friend that’s always being used in the relationship or the giver and your friend is the taker. You can be unhappy in the workplace, you might be getting overlooked by your boss and you simply don’t feel good enough. Unhappiness can show up in your relationship/ marriage where you don’t feel fulfilled anymore and your person just doesn’t fill your cup anymore. Unhappiness can also show up as you not being able to provide for your child/children and you start to feel like you’re failing them. Also, not having family support can cause someone to be unhappy especially when you had to cut them off to be happy; but the thought of not having them “family” makes you unhappy lol- if you have experienced this- then you know exactly what I mean.

Now what do you do? How do you stay strong? How do you keep your head above water? How do you continue to smile through the pain, unhappiness, the fakeness of it all? One of my closest friends inspired this post after she told me she hasn’t been happy in over a year and it really made me sad and made me think are any of us really truly happy or do we just experience happy moments? If so, what are we doing to be happy? Are we choosing ourselves? Are we loving ourselves every day? How do we show up for ourselves? All I can say is that it’s hard, most days harder than some, but what I like to do is go for walks. I walk 4 miles every day to clear my head and nature fills my cup up. I also exercise 5 days a week at home. Recently journaling has helped me a lot. Just getting my thoughts out of my head and on paper feels like I’m telling someone and it honestly feels better. I also eat really healthy food and we know that really good food nourishes your mind and soul; so I’m sure that helps. I also recently started taking vitamin D, which boosts my mood a tremendous amount. I would love to start seeing a therapist but it can be a pain to find the right one. I had two and disliked both and just haven’t tried again. I also have two girlfriends that I try to talk to at least monthly and I love them so much as I’m able to unload on them and vice versa and they fill my cup up. I wish I had them every day because……life ….but I’ll take my monthly/bi-monthly calls over not having them at all.

I recently asked a few of you on Instagram what were the things you do to stay happy and you all had some great ideas. Most of the suggestions were self-care and I love that. Exercising, journaling, meditating, going for massages/facials going on solo dates, driving to the country, trying new restaurants, long walks, camping, and getting your hair and nails done. Also taking Zumba classes, dancing, baking or simply doing things that you enjoyed as a child. That could be riding your bike, flying a kite, or going to an amusement park. Most of you also said to take time to pray and sit in silence and reflect.

So my babies lol not sure why I called you that; maybe because I know when you’re sad you just want to feel like a likkle baby lol so here I am to baby you and to tell you; you got this, we got this. I hope a few of my tips will be able to help you as it’s exactly what I do to feel better. I should also mention, if I’m in a real funk I read or listen to podcasts relating to how I’m feeling, and that always helps. I listen to music and lately, I’ve been loving a few DJs on Tik Tok that go live every day:

@alvinmjflaversg
@djoowop
@hypezone78

And when all else fails just have a good cry, let it out, and then put your big girl panties on or thongs haha and try to just live your best life, and enjoy each and every moment and practice gratitude. If you made it this far {Virtual hugs} to all of you. And if you’re reading this and you have that strong friend -check on them trust me they are not okay. I love you and thanks for reading.

XO,

Kelly